Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
