You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
