Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think people are normalizing furries
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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