...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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