is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
