She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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