I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
