I am puke
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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