Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
