don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
