you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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