I want to walk on stilts...naked
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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