Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
