you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
