You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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