I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
