Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
