So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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