hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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