i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
