I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
