Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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