So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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