i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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