So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
