3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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