what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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