I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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