your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
