This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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