I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
