Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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