dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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