Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
