i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
