I'm drive I can fine osifer
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
