If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
