Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
