yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
