ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
