we have pet lesbian snakes
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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