Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
