The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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