we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
