at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
