don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
