you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
