dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
