saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
