Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
