Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
