3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
