im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
